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  • What is my age:
  • I am 56
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  • Syrian
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This is a post specifically written for husbands. That sad and somewhat crude comment came from a respected spiritual leader, and I knew right then that his marriage was in trouble.


Today we are sharing a guest blog post from J. Parker from Hot, Holy, and Humorous while Shaunti is in this season of cancer treatments. She lies in bed next to her husband. He snores at her back, while she curls in on herself and cries. A husband longs for more sexual encounters to both express and foster the intimacy he feels for his wife.

When she wants sex more than he does

Many wives read the scenario above and related to feelings of disappointment and self-doubt that can come with wanting sex more than he does. In addition to my hurt, I felt aloneā€”as if I was the only wife dealing with sexual rejection. One other wife also had Sexual Fulfillment in her top five. When class ended, we beelined toward each other like long-lost friends, smiles on our faces, and relieved me too s on our lips.

Now, at least we were not alone. For a long time, most people truly believed such marriages were the odd exceptions. Everyone from relationships experts, to secular media, to Christian resources, to your well-meaning grandmother told you that men want sex more than women.

He always wants to have sex with her. Some might like it a lot.

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But everything in our culture suggested men pursue it more often, initiate the majority of encounters, and almost never turn down an invitation of sex. Thankfully, the tide is turning! More of us are speaking up, more marriage ministers are recognizing and addressing the variety of sex drive differences, and more couples are finding ways to navigate the unique challenges of a marriage with a higher desire wife.

The correct answer is maybe something, maybe nothing. First off, sex drive is relative. Consider a husband married, widowed, then married again and having the same level of sexual interest, but in his first marriage, he has the higher sexual desire, and in his second marriage, she has the higher sexual desire.

When she wants sex more than he does

Below is a downloadable list of reasons why a husband might be less interested than his wife. As you look through the reasons, be sure to view your husband not as a problem to fix but rather a person to understand. Indeed, lower drive husbands often already feel beleaguered. Showing compassion for his struggle as well can help you move forward together. Find your value in God. When rejected by someone you love, you can begin to feel undesirable or unseen.

But God knows your true worth and wants you to embrace that you are enough, you are beautiful, you are worthy. Seek out the whys.

Why does your husband want sex less? Is it a problem to be resolved, a condition to be discussed, or just a frequency gap to be negotiated? Why do you want sex more? What would having more sex say to your head and heart?

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Do what you can to learn about yourselves and one another, so you can lovingly work together to improve the sexual intimacy in your marriage. Get help if needed. Or you may need to read relevant books, take a course, or attend a marriage intensive. Answers can be found, so use the resources available to you. Savor small successes.

Reminder successfully set!

Change takes time, intentionality, and perseverance. Take one step at a time, and savor each success along your journey. Success is a good motivator to keep going. Embrace your sexuality. Wanting sex with your husband is a good thing. Embrace your desire as something that can benefit you, your husband, and your marriage. My husband and I worked through our sexual desire differences. You have my heartfelt prayers that you can work through any sexual desire differences too. Find Christ-focused wonder in the midst of everyday life no matter what your situation might be.

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Because you need a better relationship, not just a better budget. This article was first published at Patheos. I have a difficult time understanding this. Not because I am deprived. I accept the Privacy Policy. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam.

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Learn how your comment data is processed. Shaunti Feldhahn P. Parker She lies in bed next to her husband. What is wrong with him?

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What is wrong with her? Is she that unappealing? Does he still love her? Most of us believed we were rare. Click the image to download the PDF. So how can a higher desire wife get more sex? I know, I know. Comments I have a difficult time understanding this. Contact Shaunti Shaunti Feldhahn P. This website contains affiliate links.

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