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Bondage, discipline, chastity-play—they all have one common descriptor: kinky. And the desire to explore these types of play in the bedroom is definitely more common than you might think. Sex toy sites even have entire sections dedicated to them. Toys and devices for BDSM play and other kinks are widely available and ready to help you explore that sultry side of yourself.

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Looking to leave your vanilla sex life behind and break into the exciting world of kink? But what does kink mean? What does being kinky entail?

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How do you discover your kinks and find out what works for you and your partner? We suggest putting aside your Fifty Shades of Grey and Twilight kink fanfiction for a much more interesting and inclusive look into what it really means to be kinky —and how kink can change sex and intimacy.

But put very simply, a kink is anything that falls under non-traditional sexual and intimate desires, practices, or fantasies. The word non-traditional will mean different things to different people based on cultural backgrounds, but in most contexts, the definition encompasses anything that falls outside or romantic, intercourse-based sex between two people.

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Identity is largely helpful in finding community and for you to define yourself —you get to make that choice over whether you identify as kinky or not. According to Wordnika kinkster is someone who enjoys kinky sex.

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According to Kinklya kinkster is someone who enjoys sexual activities that are seen as apart from the sexual norms of their culture, or kinks. Similar to identifying as kinky, identifying yourself as a kinkster is up to you. Calling all kink inherently queer also diminishes the experiences of folks who have been dehumanized, banned from using the correct bathroom, denied public services, or murdered because of they are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transor nonbinary.

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As a writer at Huck Magazine puts it:. To reduce the queer identity to that is an over-simplification and an insult. Queerness steps outside these norms, and defies the gender and sexual binary. Before all else, make sure to honor the two most important rules of kink: communication and consent.

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Now onto the fun stuff: One of the best ways to get started on your kink journey is research. Scarleteen recommends filling it out by hand or reading it through before discussing with a partner, but it all depends on your individual comfort level.

This is so you can start thinking about things for yourself, or start having conversations with a partner. The desires and practices that fall under BDSM can be classified as non-traditional sexual, intimate, or romantic behaviors —pain, domination, submission, and being tied up can all be considered kinky things. For others, there are important or notable differences between kink and BDSM.

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It is really that simple. Whether you see BDSM as a way to have kinky sex or believe that the two exist outside one another is largely up to you.

1. go to an adult store together.

Such a conversation can give you a better idea of their boundaries and desires. Any kinky activity done without consent is abuse, plain and simple. Definitely not.

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You can be kinky during foreplay, kinky over the phone, use kinky language, or simply create a kinky scenario. Ready to get started and want more kink resources? Check out WhiplrKinklyany book or movie other than Fifty Shades of Grey, and read these facts about kink.

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After decades of widening disparities, some hopeful ideas to course correct. Presented by. What does kink mean?

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